How many days since you last talked to your ex?

How do I count how many days since I last talked to my ex?

You only need one date: the last time your ex heard from you, by text, by phone or in person. Enter it in the counter and you'll see how many days have passed. It works in your browser and the date isn't sent to any server.

What does the number on the counter mean?

It measures one thing: how long it's been since you contacted them. It doesn't measure how long until you feel better or whether you made the right call. But it's real proof that you're moving forward, even if you don't feel it.

Grief doesn't move in a straight line: you can be forty days in and have an awful Tuesday, and that doesn't make the number a lie. If the bad days keep you from eating, sleeping or working, or you have thoughts of hurting yourself, talk to a professional or call your local emergency number.

Does counting the days help get my ex back?

No. If you're counting the days so your ex will miss you, you're not doing no contact: you're waiting in silence. That way every day feels like a promise that doesn't come true.

Ask yourself this: if you knew they were never coming back, would you still not text them? If the answer is yes, this counter is for you. The difference is explained in what the no contact rule is.

What usually happens on day 3, day 14, day 30 and day 60?

These aren't stages proven by research, just points where a lot of people notice a change. One study that followed people before and after a breakup found they felt less bad than they expected, especially at the start. It's a map, not a schedule.

• Days 1 to 3: the hardest part. Sleep doesn't come easily and the urge to text feels almost physical. Think about getting through the hour, not the month.
• Days 4 to 14: the urge eases and anger shows up. If you need to tell them something, write the whole message and don't send it.
• Days 15 to 30: your head clears, but setbacks catch you by surprise.
• Days 30 to 60: several good days in a row, then suddenly a really bad one. That day doesn't erase the ones before it.
• After day 60: the memory hurts less and you no longer need to check the counter every day.

What do I do if the counter goes back to zero?

Set the date to today. The days you held out already happened and they're still yours. Giving up on counting is worse than slipping, because you lose the one thing that showed your progress.

1. 1

   Write down the time and how you were

   Three words are enough, like "2 AM, two drinks, home". After two or three slips, you'll see the pattern.

2. 2

   Ask yourself what you were hoping for

   There's almost always a fantasy behind the message: that they'd reply fast, or that they'd regret it. Naming it takes away some of its power.

3. 3

   Set the date again

   Do it today, not when you feel better. It takes ten seconds.