How long does it take to get over a breakup?

Is there a normal amount of time to get over a breakup?

No. The pain usually changes shape before it changes size: first it stops being constant, and then it stops being the first thing you think about when you wake up. That's why you usually notice your progress late.

What do studies say about how long breakup pain lasts?

None of them followed people long enough to give a number. Sbarra and Emery (2005) tracked daily emotions for 28 days. Morris, Reiber, and Román (2015) asked 5,705 people how much pain they remembered.

The famous "eleven weeks" doesn't come from any finding: the study usually cited (Lewandowski and Bizzoco, 2007) measured personal growth, not recovery. If a number doesn't come with an author and a year, it's not a fact.

Is it true it takes half as long as the relationship lasted?

No. That rule has no study behind it. It also treats every relationship the same, and two calm years don't leave the same mark as two years of on and off.

• How much contact you still have matters more. That's why no contact helps.
• How much of your identity was tied up in the relationship also matters. Getting clear again about who you are explained part of the improvement (Larson and Sbarra, 2015).
• The person who decides to end it usually reports less pain than the person who gets the news (Morris and Reiber, 2011).

Why does the pain come and go?

Because the emotions of a breakup don't fade together. In the Sbarra and Emery (2005) study, love for the ex went down steadily, while sadness, anger, and relief rose and fell. Each wave is usually set off by something outside you: a time of day, a place, or alcohol.

The strongest peak usually lasts minutes. If you feel the urge to text them in that moment, read how not to text your ex.

Is it normal to still feel bad six months or a year later?

Yes, and it's more common than people say. Studying how people do after a divorce, Mancini, Bonanno, and Clark (2011) didn't find one single curve, but three different paths. The useful question isn't how much time has passed, but whether the pain now comes less often and passes faster.

If nothing has changed in months, if you've stopped eating, sleeping, or seeing people, or if you're drinking more to get through the night, talk to a professional. If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, call your local emergency number today.