My partner left me: what do I do now?

What do I do in the first 72 hours?

Cover the basics and don't try to make sense of anything yet. Drink water, eat something simple every four or five hours and tell one person what happened. You don't need to tell the whole story: "They left me, I'm not okay" is enough.

Charge your phone away from the bed. At three in the morning, having it in your hand is what turns a bad night into a message you regret.

What shouldn't I do after a breakup?

Avoid anything that brings instant relief and leaves you worse the next day: texting them, asking for one last talk for closure, checking their social media or drinking until you fall asleep. These aren't moral failures. They just reopen the wound.

The urge to text them doesn't last long. You don't have to win an argument with your own head, just let those minutes pass. Here's how: how not to text your ex.

How do I get through the first night?

The goal isn't to sleep well, it's to get through the night. Sleeping badly in the first few days is normal and doesn't mean you're failing.

1. 1

   Change your spot

   Sleep on the other side of the bed or on the couch. The bed you shared is full of memories.

2. 2

   Put on something familiar

   A show you've already seen or a long podcast, at low volume. It keeps your mind from running off on its own.

3. 3

   Breathe out slowly

   Breathe in for a count of four and out for a count of eight, several times. You can do it in the dark.

4. 4

   If you're still awake, get up

   Get out of bed for about twenty minutes and go back when you feel sleepy. If the bad nights keep going after a few weeks, read what to do if you can't sleep.

What do I do with their things, the photos and the gifts?

Don't throw them out or give them back on the first day. Put everything in a box, close it and keep it out of sight. Decide what to do calmly, a month from now.

Anything that's clearly theirs, you can return through a friend or by mail. Handing it over in person is one of the most common excuses to see each other again.

When do I need more than a guide?

If you have thoughts of hurting yourself, if you can't be alone, or if someone is pressuring or following you, get help today. Talk to someone you trust or a professional, and if it's urgent, call your local emergency number.