Can't sleep after a breakup: what do you do?

What should you do if you can't sleep right now?

If it feels like you've been awake for about twenty minutes, get out of bed. Tossing and turning teaches your body that bed is a place for being awake. Go back when you're truly sleepy.

1. 1

   Get up

   Go to another room without checking the clock. Anywhere works except your bed.

2. 2

   Low light, phone away

   Use a small lamp, not the overhead light. Your phone is a direct door to their social media.

3. 3

   Breathe slowly

   Breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold for seven and breathe out through your mouth for eight. If holding makes you dizzy, skip it: what matters is that the exhale is longer.

4. 4

   Write it down and go back

   Write three lines on paper about what you're thinking, not to solve it but to get it out of your head. Go back to bed when your eyes start to close.

Why does a breakup hurt more at night?

Because at night the things that held you up during the day disappear: tasks, people and light. With nothing to hold your attention, your mind goes back to the one unfinished topic. And if you used to sleep next to that person, the bed itself reminds you of them.

Sleeping badly also leaves you more sensitive the next day. In a study published in Current Biology in 2007, after a night without sleep, the amygdala, a brain area linked to fear, reacted 60% more to unpleasant images. What feels unbearable at 3 a.m. usually looks different by mid-morning.

Why do I wake up at 4 a.m. thinking about my ex?

Because in the second half of the night your sleep is lighter and cortisol, a stress hormone, starts to rise. Any time you wake up, your mind is already loaded. Don't check the time, don't pick up your phone and don't try to force yourself back to sleep.

A 2023 study followed 122 recently separated adults for five months: the more time they spent with their ex, the worse they slept. That's why no contact also helps you sleep.

How long does insomnia last after a breakup?

There's no fixed timeline, and be wary of anyone who promises one. The International Classification of Sleep Disorders calls insomnia chronic when there are three or more bad nights a week for three months or longer. Before that, it's considered short-term.

The first thing that usually changes is the pattern: bad nights stop coming in a row and good nights start showing up in between. If you sleep very badly for weeks, can't function during the day or have thoughts of hurting yourself, talk to a professional. If it's urgent, call your local emergency number.

Does drinking alcohol help you sleep?

No. Alcohol helps you fall asleep faster, but it breaks up the second half of the night, right when the wake-ups happen. The drink that puts you to sleep at midnight often wakes you up at 4.

Any sleep medication or supplement should be decided by a doctor who knows you, especially if you already take other medication.