How do you stop thinking about your ex?

Why can't I stop thinking about my ex?

Because your brain still links that person with something good it no longer has. When you look at a photo of your ex, the same areas light up as in withdrawal (Fisher and colleagues, 2010). It's not a lack of willpower.

That's why it shows up more in the empty moments, like in the shower or before bed. And that's why checking their social media brings relief for a minute and then leaves you feeling worse. Every time there's contact, you start over. That's what no contact is for.

Does trying not to think about your ex work?

No. When you forbid yourself from thinking about something, your mind has to keep watching for that thought all the time, and that keeps it present. It's called the rebound effect (Wegner and colleagues, 1987).

What can you do when you can't stop thinking about your ex?

1. 1

   Give it a set time

   Pick 15 minutes a day, always at the same time. If the thought shows up earlier, write it down and save it for then.

2. 2

   Make a list of what didn't work

   Write down five specific situations that hurt you. Rereading it lowers those in-love feelings more than distracting yourself does (Langeslag and Sanchez, 2018).

3. 3

   Finish the memory

   When you remember a good moment, follow the scene all the way to the end. There's almost always a part your memory skips.

4. 4

   Come back to the present

   When it's at its strongest, name 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. It also helps to breathe out more slowly than you breathe in.

Why do I only remember the good things about my ex?

Because bad memories lose their strength faster than good ones. It happens to everyone, not just after a breakup (Hoehne and Zimprich, 2025). When you notice you're idealizing them, go back to your list.

When should you get professional help?

If after several weeks you think about your ex almost all day, you can't work, eat, or sleep, or you have thoughts of hurting yourself, talk to a professional. If it's urgent, call your local emergency number today.