What do ghosting, breadcrumbing and other breakup terms mean?

What does it mean when someone disappears?

If someone stops answering you without explanation, it's called ghosting. If they also keep watching what you post, it's called orbiting. Both hurt because they don't leave a clear ending you can make sense of.

• Ghosting: when someone you had a bond with stops answering messages and calls without giving any reason. There's no fight and no conversation, just silence.
• Orbiting: when that person cuts off direct contact but keeps watching your stories or leaving the occasional like. They stay close enough that you don't forget them and far enough that nothing happens.
• Muting or restricting: hiding what that person posts, or limiting what they see of you, without blocking them. It helps you stop getting signals that keep you on alert.
• Blocking: completely cutting off that person's ability to see you or message you on an app or on your phone. It isn't an aggressive move, it's a way of taking care of yourself.

What is it called when someone gives you affection and then takes it away?

There are several words for this, depending on the pattern. They all have one thing in common: the attention arrives irregularly, and that irregularity hooks you more than steady affection does.

• Breadcrumbing: giving crumbs of attention, like a random message or an "I miss you" every few weeks, with no intention of picking things back up. The name comes from "breadcrumb": small crumbs instead of real attention.
• Love bombing: a flood of attention, gifts and declarations at the start of a relationship, so fast that it skips the normal stages of getting to know each other. You recognize it by what comes next, when that intensity is suddenly pulled away.
• Intermittent reinforcement: when affection comes sometimes and sometimes doesn't, and you can't predict it. That uncertainty keeps you waiting for the next time.
• Trauma bond: the tie that forms when the same person alternates hurt and affection over and over. The good moments work like a reward after the bad ones, and that makes it very hard to leave.

What do you call a relationship that never had a name?

It's called a situationship: a bond that worked like a relationship but that nobody defined as one. When it ends it hurts just as much, sometimes more, because other people don't recognize your grief.

• Situationship: a bond with intimacy, routine and plans, sometimes even exclusive, but with no agreement and no name. Not having a label doesn't erase what existed.
• Ambiguous loss: a loss without a clear ending. You know it's over, but it doesn't feel over.

What is it called when you can't stop thinking about someone?

It may be limerence, if it's a romantic obsession you don't choose, or rumination, if you go over what happened again and again. Checking their social media many times a day often goes hand in hand with both.

• Limerence: a state of involuntary romantic obsession, with constant thoughts about one person and an urgent need for them to feel the same way (Tennov, 1979). It feeds on uncertainty and fades when the answer is clear.
• Rumination: thinking about the same thing over and over, like replaying the last conversation or searching for the moment everything broke. It feels like you're solving something, but you never reach a conclusion and it usually leaves you feeling worse.
• Social media stalking: checking your ex's social media several times a day. Each look brings a moment of relief and then leaves you wanting to look even more.

If this is happening to you, how to stop thinking about your ex has concrete ways to break the loop.

What does going no contact mean?

No contact means cutting off all contact with your ex for a while: no messages, no calls and no checking their social media. It isn't a punishment or a tactic to get them back. It stops new signals from coming in so your grief can move forward.

How to stick with it and what to do if you slip are in the no contact guide.